Today I will ask my husband of 8 years to be my best friend…again.
You see, we were friends first. We met in high school, my senior year and stayed friends. That friendship turned into two kids, a dog, 5 moves and a decade later, but what happened to that friendship?
Life happened, stress, financial burdens, health issues, drug addiction, postpartum depression, deployment after deployment.
A couple years ago we were hanging on by the thinnest thread, not sure what the fuck we were doing. The word ‘divorce’ would come up almost daily, and not in a spiteful way- more so in a “would it make more sense for our happiness” kinda way.
And if you’re married, that’s a really sad and hard point to come to.
I remember when my parents got to that point and I saw it happen over a period of time. They did less together, ate meals alone, and life happened…they grew apart and my mom searched for what she wasn’t getting in the home and found comfort in her best friend, who she has now been married to for 10 years.
He is 12 years her junior- and “that” part always got me…what was is about their relationship that keeps them together?…oh yea…they are friends…
I’m a firm believer that things that happen in life are lessons. Just like stories in the Bible, your life tells a story just the same. And for me, I took my parents divorce as a lesson to apply to my own marriage.
So what does that mean? It means that my husband and I have been in a friend-fight for a few years now and we are seeking a solution.
So today, my husband and I are leaving the kids with Yaya and heading into San Francisco for the day to reconnect. Today is dedicated on rebuilding that friendship we once had. That friendship we know is still there and will always be there, so long as we desire it.
Today I will ask my husband to be my best friend again. To allow me to talk without thinking of the bills, or our crazy work schedules. To connect on a deeper level other than in the bedroom (because were honestly doin’ great in that department). To feel the freedom to chat for hours, or sit in silence together. To feel that bond aligned with our interests, like music and art, and not focus on the bonds my postpartum depression has destroyed. To just feel and be, instead of numbing my anxiety.
Today I will work up the courage and energy to recognize what’s always been there…underneath the loads of dirty laundry and dishes in the sink, sits two humans that once decided “let’s do life together”.
Marriage is hard work.
I’ll say it again…Marriage is hard WORK…You just don’t wake up and are glowing in-love. You wake up to a human in bed, or sometimes on the couch- and you make the choice to do life together, day after day. Those days don’t always look the same, and that’s ok.
The important thing is that you feel the same ❤️
And baby, I fucking love you ❤️❤️❤️❤️