I see you sitting there with your phone in one hand, baby balanced in the other off the tip of your hip, yet you never loose your shit.
I see you fucking with your makeup at drop off in the rear view mirror because you’ve just now realized you forgot to brush your teeth but somehow managed to make sure everyone else brushed theirs. (They did right?)
I see you cursing yourself at the checkout because you forgot ALL the grocery bags inside the car- but to run to the car with the kids, come back and load up is more of a hassle so you swallow that change you’ve just wasted on bags to be greeted by them when you load up. I see you mama.
What I don’t see is someone loving on you back. Someone filling up your cup the way you do, making sure you ate your cup of veggies a day and took some time to do some self care and self love.
THOSE are the moments we need more of and I feel like it can be one of the taboo things to talk about sometimes but I’m here to talk about it on my blog and my new Youtube channel, Knotty Family TV .
Sticking to societies schedule is fucking hard and it takes a smart and strong person to see that there is growth in the structure, but also know that with every big task, comes a learning process you only reach after climbing the hill (and the hill ain’t easy.)
During that time on your journey you are exposed and vulnerable, but the good thing, you have all the space to fuck up, because you will. Not once, not even three times. But you will fuck up in your life multiple times a day, for the rest of your life in the smallest (and sometimes biggest) ways possible to just be ready for it.
You can choose to focus on “the shit”. Or you can take the deepest breathe you’ve ever taken and exhale the negative out of your life one deep breathe at a time.
Its as simple as that. And with each exhale comes relief. And with each inhale comes growth. It is a process though, so it takes time and consistency to reach a comfortable point in your life.
I am deeply rooted in the growth phase of my life right now and want to make sure that I share little snippets of what it has meant for me to grow as a person, a mother, a daughter and a partner.
Sometimes that simply means to slow the fuck down. Stop what I’m doing, grab my babies and squeeze them until that love is felt so deep they don’t want you to let go. When you can get one of those hugs out of your kids, thats when you know, that they know, that mama is finally happy.
If you can take one small thing, phrase, word- whatever from this post it would be something my coach recently said on one of her instagram Live videos but she said this…
“If you focus on the shit in your life, that shit is going to grow”.
And its as simple as that guys. We have the power to choose the outcome of our life based on the hard work that you put into it. I did the ride-and-grind thing here in the Bay Area for 1 full year driving for ride-share companies that did a great job helping me feel like I was contributing to my family but I was essentially making myself so unavailable to my own children by trying to “provide” on societies terms.
And that’s where I ‘ve really fed into the mom guilt, marriage issues and tried to avoid all the shame attached to hard working mothers that we don’t deserve in the first place.
So that’s where this new plan came into place and the reason why we are really moving to Las Vegas and how that idea even came into the picture- it was something as simple as a realization. I had finally realized, if I was willing to sacrifice anything for my husbands career, why wouldn’t I make the same sacrifice for my children and I to have a happy and enjoyable life where I can actually be home with them?
There will and is always the most fulfilling part of that choice to choose to slow down but I do catch myself from time to time missing the struggle bus in the morning and not being able to catch up- and that’s the part that bothers me most.
I hope to keep these thought drops ‘sweet’, kinda-short and interesting so I hope you enjoyed a little glimpse into what I’ve got going on this week.
P.S. keep an eye out for Knotty Fam on youtube coming super soon!